perfect

At 2:00 this morning, May 21, 2009, at the age of 96 years old... he took his last breaths. He had his birthdays on the 19th and when mom went to check on him at CMH this morning he was not responsive. She told me while we were meeting for Danielle's birthday dinner that he was going to die probably that night or the next day. So after the dinner we drove into Bolivar and sat with him all night. Peggy, Patty, my mom and me sat around him and talked to him... holding his had and telling him that we loved him.

I curled up in a chair listening to his soft breaths to nap for a little while, Peggy and Patty started to follow suit. My mom and grandpa sat together, until she noticed his breaths were slowing. Then she crawled into the bed with him and wrapped him in a hug, telling him that it was going to be ok and that he made her life wonderful. Then she called for Patty to go get a nurse because she thought he was dying. I woke up and came to his side too as he took his final breaths. I told him it was going to be ok and that we loved him very much. He inhaled, and that was it.

There was no noise.
No movement.
No pain.
Just silence.
Just...peace.

It was the most precious moment in my entire life.
I cried as I hugged my mom and told her that it was time for him to go meet his mom and grammy and time for him to walk in heaven. He was ready to go and though it's hard for us to accept here because we love him and want to see him everyday, it is time to let go.

He was a truly remarkable soul. My hero. My role model. He lit up the room with his smile and that twinkle in his eye. He loved his family with all of his heart. My mom was like his daughter. Chris made his so proud by fighting for our country, he would well up with pride every time he was him. He loved his girls.
Danielle and me.
We were his princesses.
All night tonight all we could talk about were the amazing memories he gave us. He made life worth living, he made it beautiful. If everything were to go wrong from here on out it would be ok because he made the ride worth while. He was truly amazing, honest, sweet, loving and stubborn :]
I will always miss him, and I know he will always be with me.
When I walk down the isle
When I have my babies
When I loose other loved ones
When I go to meet him

He is ever present.

His impact on this Earth will never end.
My children and their children will hear about what an amazing person he was. I feel sorry for the people that weren't in his life, they missed out big time. It was a privilege having his love.

Thank you to my friends, family and co workers who have made this time more bearable. I am so very lucky to have you.

I love you grandpa.
You are the closest definition to perfect I could have ever found. You love unconditionally, you smile even when you are hurting, you can brighten anyone's day. You will always hold a huge piece of my heart.
Your Lizzy

him

For anyone who hasn't heard yet, my great grandpa went into the hospital last Thursday.

He had heart failure because of pneumonia that settled in his lungs. His swallowing reflex is weak and when thin liquids reach the back of his throat he doesn't have that signal sent to his brain that tells him to swallow. So he chokes, or it does down the wrong pipe, which is probably how he got the pneumonia in the first place. So they are thickening his liquids and now he really isn't eating. So to put it bluntly, he will get weaker and die. He told my mom that he doesn't think he will make it to his birthday (which is 13 days from today) and that he's is ready to go.

But I'm not.

Any of you who know my great grandpa know what an absolutely wonderful, interesting, stubborn, elaborate and adorable 95 year old he is. He will keep you occupied for hours with stories about the war or just lecturing you on life. He loves his family more than anything else in the world, especially his girls. He puts everybody's needs before himself, which drives us crazy. He is so stubborn though. Wonder where we get that from? hmmm.. and he loves to exaggerate; it's so adorable. I just can't imagine living in a world without him in it.

This has really consumed my life the last week, I think about him constantly when I'm not in Bolivar at his side. My mom is running crazy trying to cope, and even though we have the most supportive friends and family, this is going to be rough. He is my mom's REAL dad, not the man who is on the birth certificate. He is my REAL great grandpa, not the man who is just has the title out of obligation. He is the kind of person you get jealous for not being able to know him before you were born. The kind of person that will brighten your day when everything else sucks. He is the person that will call you on your crap but laugh it off 5 minutes later. He respects the military and treats women like princesses. He is old fashioned. He loves his ball games. His favorite things are Altoids, chocolate, and grape nuts. (Not together of course) Never tell him what to eat, because he's been alive almost 96 years and knows what to eat to live that long :]

I know I've had selfish thoughts lately.
I want him to see my in my wedding dress.
I want him to meet my children and hold them.
I want him to live.

I.

But I know that if God needs him then it's his time to go. And I have to learn to accept that. No matter how selfish my thoughts get I have to keep it clear in my mind that if he's ready then I need to make sure that his last few weeks here with me are the best of his life. I need to make him comfortable and love and hug on him as much as possible. A daily reminder.

Thank you to my friends who have been to supportive. I love you guys and you don't know how much I need you. I didn't know how much I need you.
Love,
Lauren Elizabeth
Grandpa's Lizzy